I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
