i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
