I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
