Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
