hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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