Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
