The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
