We got so high we made milksteak
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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