saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
