Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
