she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
