My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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