No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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