Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
