I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
