On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
