Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The best revenge is premature balding
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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