I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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