Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
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