you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
