I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
