The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
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I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
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Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I think I just sharted jello shots
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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