im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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