I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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