It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
