she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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