I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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