I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
