first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
