i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
