We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You smell like stripper and shame
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
