She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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