so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
