I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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