proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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