Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
