she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
