i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
