I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
