I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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