I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
