she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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