if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
there's paper in my vomit.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
