normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
