i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize
