So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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