He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
