There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
