Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
