please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
