ugly people sure do ruin things
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
