I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
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You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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