the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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