She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
