if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
