i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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