you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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