I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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