halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
