No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Randomize
