Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
