Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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