So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
