You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
