yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
