If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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